so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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