Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
