the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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