He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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