Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
