Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
