she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
