I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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