someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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