At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
