A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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