Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
