it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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