i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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