He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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