I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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