yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
