"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The uberlube is also flammable
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
