Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
