Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize