omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Say something about gay babies.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Randomize
