im holly from the hills drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
