Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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