I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
