pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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