after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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