FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
