If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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