I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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