There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
