you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
