I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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