at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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