so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
