Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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