if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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