So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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