one might say we're banned from that church
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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