ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
