the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
