Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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