how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
