areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
