Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
