did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
