i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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