Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
