I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
