he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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