I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
