i permit you to call me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
