How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
