Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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