Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
