i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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