There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
