Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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