I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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