Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
