the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
