Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
