Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize