1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
