my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
