i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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