i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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