So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
