Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
