It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
