take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
