I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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