Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
