I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
