He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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