Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
